Sometimes i feel like my life has just begun only a short time ago. I feel like my eyes have just been opened for the first time in my life- is what I am trying to say. Not long ago I was covered in worldly sin. Surrounded by many demons. my life had become what we like to call unmanageable. I was an addict and convinced that by consuming all the world had to offer would bring me happiness. The funny thing is that even though there were moments I thought I was happy, deep down i was dying inside. I knew everything i was doing was wrong -but i did not have the power to stop. I came accustom to living this way.  I even convinced myself that the reason i was living the way i lived was at someone else s exspence. That there decisions determined who i was , not my own. WE ALL HAVE A CHOICE. I can assure you that other people do not  determine who and what you are. God gave us free will to decide that for ourselves.

I grew up in church all my life. And was called by God at an early age to expand his kingdom and be a servant for him. But satan put fear in front of me and i chose that path. It hurts me to think if only i had surrendered back then how much God could have used me in my life before now. But i have to be honest there are a lot of regrets in my life but i wouldn’t change anything. God allowed me to endure my own chosen misery for a reason. He has taken my faults and short comings and turned them into strengths.

All of us have failed ourselves or others at some point in this life. We have all done things we wish we could take back. And we all search for true forgiveness for our faults. the point is that we are already forgiven. We are just to comfortable in our own skin to except it. It is here i know because i found it. You may be waiting for someone you know to forgive you.This may never happen. And if it does i assure you it wont be enough. The only true forgiveness comes through Jesus Christ. They might forgive you but can you forgive yourself ? Can you go back to sleeping at night can you stop worrying if someone else is going to find out your secrets. you can not do this on your own. You do not have the power but Christ does. The sooner you surrender and realize you are not in control. The sooner you can find peace, happiness and freedom in this world.

I have heard people say all my life things like-that church thing isnt for me or i beileive theres a God but but i dont know who he is. This realy hurts my heart. Mainly because i know that that Christ died for everybody. And its my job to show them who he is and what he is. I know its hard for people to put faith in something they cant understand or see. Thats why Christ takes screwed up people like me and transforms us into diciples. You can begin to understand his purpose for people and see the miraculas changes in a persons life. If he can change me and my heart he can change anybody. If you knew me then and knew me now you would see what i mean.